Unknown Dangers in Ancient Egypt

Artifact - Archaeology Magazine
Monkeys stealing your nose. Or maybe picking it 

I am the Empress of Kerma

You may call me "Her Sarcastic Snarkiness."

So this jackass, apparently intent on creating the biggest entitlement complex in the US has claimed Bir Tawil so that his precious, deprived little princess can become an actual princess.

Bir Tawil is this chunk of unclaimed land between Egypt and Sudan. Why is it unclaimed?
It’s unclaimed because Egypt and Sudan are in a perpetual “not it!” contest over it. Because no one lives there. Because there is jack shit there. 

Dad says the family:

hopes to turn the area into an agricultural hub.

Hub of what, King No-Nads, Lacker of Parental Spine? Salt-bush? Edible rocks?

There are so many glaring issues of smug, pretentious entitlement, ignorance, and arrogance here it's breathtaking. 

So, following this jackass's reasoning, in order to make Bunny a true pretty, pretty princess:

I’m standing on top of the Defuffa at Kerma and I’m white. I’m the Empress of Kerma!

Oh, oh, and here I am with Tom, Emperor of Kerma!

Accepting Applications

When we first moved in this building, it was the quiet building in the complex. Now, not so much. The people above us seem to regularly bounce bowling balls.  Seriously, our ceiling visible dips at times and the ceiling fan shakes. 

With us on the ground floor are at least two apartments full of people who cannot close a door without slamming it. 

We have random tree puncher dude.

No one but us picks up after our dogs. 

The genius teenager in front of us likes to hang out with his friends in the breezeway under the stairs to smoke pot.  I wouldn't care except smoking ANYTHING in the breezeway is awful. And the kid totally fails at looking innocent. Eventually I will be irritated enough to just tell them. "Look, dude-bro, I can totally tell you're trying and failing to hide a joint over there. I don't care but please go somewhere else. And try to be less of a dipshit."

I want a cabin. With distant neighbors. 

Until then, I am grumpy and wish to smite things ala Narmer. I need a volunteer to carry my sandals though. Thus the title of this post. Please submit your applications in the comments.

Tens of dollars!

Based on my extensive market research (by which I mean sitting here petting the dogs while my fever goes higher) people around here will buy any damn thing if it has a fleur-de-lis on it. It seems to be a combination of the Saints being a halfway decent football team, attempting to link the coast with New Orleans by any means possible, and a desperate attempt to cling to the early French colonial history around here. I don't remember it being so popular and omnipresent in the early 90s but I had other priorities then, most of them related to avoiding bullies and trying not to die of boredom.

In any case: I propose to test this theory by hot gluing a bunch of fleurs-de-lis to doggy diapers. 

Problem: I need a venue to test market.  

One Year Out

As of her vet appointment today, she is heartworm free! Hurray! She finished treatment in July, but the markers of infection take a while to go away.  

It seems almost impossible that it's been a year since we adopted Bunny.  She's fit in so well it seems like she's always been with us.

A year ago she was a terrified little skin and bones, dull-coated little bit.

She is now up to a healthy 15 pounds with a beautiful, silky, glossy coat. She's getting a bit braver. She does cower with new people and sometimes even with us, but she doesn't try to hide behind me so much. 

She's learning how to play and that it's okay to keep her toys.

She bosses Oreo around a bit but they still get along beautifully and are starting to learn to play with each other. Bunny likes to count coup with him, which Oreo finds utterly baffling. He tries to play tug with her, but she assumes he wants the toy and lets go. 

They both RUN to the other's assistance if they suspect trouble. 

She is getting better with snuggling with Tom and she's very happy when he comes home from work.

We have bonded very closely. She rarely leaves my side and is horribly upset if I leave for a while. It's been interesting having such a snuggly kissy-face dog. Oreo is a love and likes to sit or sleep touching one of the "pack" but he's not usually super snuggly or demanding of pets and scritches. 

Bunny gets all up in your face. She messes with my iPad with her paws and nose. And she has for some reason decided some of my mascara smells delicious and tries to lick it off. 

Christmas crafting

I like to make at least a few presents every year and this year I got some pretty cool ideas.

Tom needs a place to put his wallet and phone and keys and other pocket stuff, so I thought I'd make a tray. I decided to imitate a sifting screen we use as archaeologists.

I used a plain unfinished tray from the craft store and sealed it. Then I mixed craft sand with Mod Podge and coated the bottom.  

I put wire screen on top of that. 

Then I added "artifacts": beads, modern produced arrowheads, pennies, rocks, a pop top, some shells and some flagging tape.

Then I poured in clear casting resin. I didn't quite get everything embedded fully, but it all does have a coating at least.

The screen I used was very fine mesh so you can't really see the sand, but I still really like the effect.

 

Tom is also growing out his beard so I got him a comb and mustache trimmer. I also blended some oils to use on his beard to keep it healthy and soft.

I got lots of lovely tea and a cute teapot. My electric kettle died yesterday (grrr, it was only a few months old" so post-holiday shopping will involve a new one.

And I got jammy pants!

And I'm going to go get some new Vibram FiveFingers, which horrify my mom, but I looooove.

The doggies got presents too. This is Bunny's first Christmas and the tearing wrapping paper scared her.  She's not quite sure how to play with her new toys.  Oreo has a new stuffy to kill.

And in fine family tradition, we made marinara and meatballs.

An Offering for Christmas Eve

This time of year is significant for many people. Some recognize the birth of Christ, others the miracle of the lamp oil, still others the solstice and the return of light.
Light is a common theme - the light of the guiding star, light of hope, light of God, light of the sun. So too, the restful darkness that lets us appreciate the light and renew it within ourselves.    
It is also a time to appreciate the light of knowledge. A time to celebrate our ability to light the dark and keep warm in the cold. A time to marvel at our ancestors observing the skies and knowing the changing seasons.
The finest reminder of the light for me is the Christmas Eve broadcast from Apollo 8 in 1968. The crew and their craft represented a coalescing of light - the light of knowledge and ingenuity, the light of bravery and exploration, the light of faith - in God or scientists and engineers.
The account of creation in Genesis, of the creation from darkness was apt-regardless of personal belief - as a major part of the Western canon it influences art even today. And the theme of naming having power and causing things to come into being is a common one in mythology and can be seen in a way in the voyage of Apollo 8 itself.     President Kennedy called for the US to send a man to the surface of the moon and bring him back by the end of the decade. He spoke, millions listened, thousands worked and created and transformed words into actions and things.

So, on Christmas Eve, I wish you all well in the restful dark and the returning light and offer you the reading given by Frank Borman and Jim Lovell and Bill Anders from the depths of space between Earth and Moon on December 24, 1968. 

The Oriental Institute: Fragments for a History of an Institution: Sad News: Barbara Mertz

The Oriental Institute: Fragments for a History of an Institution: Sad News: Barbara Mertz

Barbara Mertz is probably familiar to most of my blog readers (if there are any of you left after so long a span of silence) as Elizabeth Peters, the author of the Amelia Peabody series of Egyptological mystery novels set in the late 19th and early 20th Century. Her book Temples, Tombs, and Hieroglyphs was a big part of why going to the University of Chicago to study at the Oriental Institute was my dream from roughly age 8 onward.



I never had the opportunity to meet her but by all accounts she was a delightful, funny lady.

Wow, so it's almost July

It's been a very busy few months/year so far, leaving me less time to post. I've found one downside if the iPad is that I'm less likely to compose posts on it than my laptop and I only use the laptop for teaching and heavy typing.

Anywho...

I've been teaching online courses for a for-profit university that will remain nameless. It's been very interesting. Employee support has been superb so far. I've had several lovely students and a few kind of scary ones. 

Time management has been a huge issue. I have roughly 30 essays and 30 short papers to grade weekly. This is complicated by having to write out all corrections, comments, etc rather than writing on or marking a hard copy or even a digital copy. I'm getting a bit better at strategizing. Procrastination is still an issue.

I think I have one more class before I get substantial discussion on my performance. 

It has been nice having a fairly steady income versus my in-person courses that aren't confirmed often until a week before the first class meeting. 

In an ideal world, I'd have a permanent part-time position at a community or small 4-year college with an office and possibly a pony. Near Lake Tahoe. 

In all seriousness, I would like to be more involved with students over the long term. 

Tom and I just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. That really doesn't seem like it was 10 years ago. Tom says it feels like an eternity. I reply with creative obscenities. 

Bunny has had her first immiticide treatment for heart worms. She's doing well so far, but keeping her inactive has been challenging. She likes to scamper. 

Oreo is bonding more with Tom because he won't muscle in on Bunny to get my attention. 

Dad is doing fairly well despite being a total jackass about some health issues. 

I am being regularly confronted with my less than stellar health and stamina. What to do about it is kind of an open question.

Teaching and grading is exhausting. 

I saw my rheumatologist last month and almost the first thing she said was "wow, your hands are swollen!" 

Arthritis pain is becoming more of a problem. I hadn't realized that humidity regardless of temperature can be an issue. I thought cold and damp, not hot and damp. 

Heat and sun make things more complicated. I am highly sun sensitive now thanks to meds and autoimmune crap, I've had several atypical moles removed and would like to avoid more. And I have almost no heat tolerance. This sucks.

Hopefully I can start posting more regularly. And crafting more. And find a way to build back some strength and stamina.

Bedtime

I use 7Notes to convert handwritten notes on my iPad to text for later use in lectures or whatever. It's usually quite good, but every now and then it generates hilarity. I've taken this most recent example as a sign it's time go to bed.
I promise I didn't teach it that word

Today's news

Went with my parents to see he oncologist this morning. The good news is that the main tumor has shrunk to near invisibility with chemo. It is not gone, it will grow back, and it will become resistant over time. The next step really needs to be radiation, but Dad has not been able to handle the procedure involved in the past. Hoping we can get in to talk to the doctor who handles that to see I'd there are some creative adjustments that could be made.


He's lost some hair, but he looks and sounds good.

I'm exhausted. Will be resting the next few days.

Oh the places you'll go

Wow have I slacked off. Ahem.
I'm writing this on the second leg of a flight out to Las Vegas. My dad has cancer. Stage 4. I am now in this weird place of child/adult trying to puzzle out what to do, how to push, etc.
We've known for a bit, but this is the first I'll see him since the diagnosis and treatment.

I am afraid to get off the plane. That will make it all real.

Seriously, people, any mojo you can send to help me keep it together with some kind of grace for all of us will be deeply appreciated.

My half brother and his wife have been trying to help out, but my parents are weird and insular and stubborn. I'm sure those of you who know me will find that shocking. My brother and sister in law are wonderful, though and I'm so glad they live in Vegas close to our parents.

Tom will be joining us this weekend. Oreo and Bunny will stay with his parents. I'll be very glad to see him. Hauling the doggies out with us was just...no. O,o I think Dad would like Bunny. She's quiet and very snuggly. Then again he says she has a stripper name.

On a lighter note, I have (assuming I pass training) a job as an online adjunct. Trying to keep names out of it for a variety if reasons. But training has been great, the school is very supportive and friendly. Also, as it's online, it's a very portable job. And will possibly be less strain on me than in person courses, especially those I have to develop entirely on my own. I'm still planning on teaching in person, but it seems like the online gig will be more regular.
Part of training involves doing a live chat with PowerPoint. The title of this post comes from the title of a slide showing a squat toilet.

Oreo's Little Sister

We've been contemplating getting another dog for some time. We even had a trial run a few years ago that didn't work out (that dog did find a wonderful match with another family).
I had to have stitches taken out today (may blog about that some other time) and thought I'd get a haircut, but the salon didn't have an opening for a walk in. I wandered over to a shopping center with a Petsmart.
The local Humane Society has adoption events every weekend there so I went to have a look.

There was a sweet little girl terrier mix I really liked so after consultation with Tom, I went home to get Oreo and bring him back to see how they would do.

When we got back, another of the potential adoptees named Bunny was being walked. She had been shivering and hiding far back in her cage all day so I hadn't had a chance to really see her. Oreo trotted right over, sniffed her, and was totally cool.

Oreo is a total punk-ass with other dogs. I haven't socialized him with other dogs as well as I should have, he has a Napoleon complex, and I think his own time in the pound contributed to some dog aggression.

Anyway, we tried an introduction with the first dog I had been looking at. Oreo turned into a slavering hell-beast. She responded in kind. There was really no chilling them out.

I figured "what the hell?" and asked the volunteer if she would bring Bunny back out to see how she'd do with Oreo in a more direct setting.

Meanwhile, I sat on the sidewalk outside the store right next to the "Adoptions Today" sign. With Oreo. Lots of people wanted him. And he was being his little super-cute I love all the peoples self. I had to explain that he was not, in fact, up for adoption.

He and Bunny did really well again - no barking or growling. He didn't care if I pet her or held her. o.O

So, we have a new family member. She's about a year old. She's a Dachshund mix of some kind. She was surrendered because her family couldn't afford her. And she has heartworm. But, the Human Society will help pay for the medication to treat her and we can afford the rest.

Oreo had been a shivering, timid little dude when I adopted him, so I have a soft spot for timid doggies.

They were marvelous on the drive home. Marvelous coming inside. Shared the couch with us and each other. Bunny had her head half in my lap and half on Oreo's booty for a while.

Hopefully the good behavior continues and she integrates well. We're pretty hopeful things will go well.

Here is the face of "oh please, I haz a scared"

Not Dead Yet

I have a nifty new iPad to play with. Here's an example of some handwriting to text I've been toying with. The translation is sort of hilariously weird with some of my scrawling but still pretty cool.

I've gone quiet fiwoggingnfhen Mets, busy. But, a New Year is upon us. I have. a shiny new iPad Mini. I'm hoping t will streamline some of my writing. I seem to do better writing by hand than typing. I've been filling stew pads, but am hgsnng to use my iPad and wind up with min text from my scrawling.

Thanksgiving Tradition

I have to post this every Thanksgiving. Because reasons.

Spells of Vital Importance

For some damn reason, the quotes are blanking for people. I have attempted to remedy that.

Mucking about with the Greek Magical Papyri a bit. I don't have the lovely book
Hans Dieter Betz (ed.), The Greek Magical Papyri in Translation Including the Demotic Spells, Chicago:  The University of Chicago Press, 1986, but various excerpts are available around on the web.
In particular:
An ancient version of Viagra

xxxiii. To Get an Erection When You Want Grind up a Pepper with some Honey and coat your Thing. [PGM VII.186]

Something I desperately needed at conferences and receptions

xxxi. To be Able to Drink a Lot and Not Get Drunk Eat a baked Pig's Lung. [PGM VII.181]

Cure for Social Anxiety (presumably, you're too busy worrying about the crap on your face?)

xxx. To Let Those Who Have Difficulty Intermingling

[i.e. Socializing] Perform Well Give Gum mixed with Wine and Honey to be smeared on the Face. [PGM VII.179-80]

For migraine (totally trying this one)

xix. Spell for Migraine Headache
Take Oil in your Hands and utter the Spell: "Zeus sowed a Grape Seed: it parts the Soil; He does not sow it; it does not sprout." [PGM VII.199-201]

A Contraceptive. I assume the operative principle is that you are so busy collecting everything and mixing it that you have no time for sex.

xxi. A Contraceptive, the Only One in the World
Take as many Bittervetch Seeds as you want for the Number of Years you wish to remain Sterile. Steep them in the Menses of a Menstruating Woman. Let them steep in her own Genitals. And take a Frog that is alive and throw the Bittervetch Seeds into its Mouth so that the Frog swallows them, and release the Frog alive at the place where you captured him. And take a Seed of Henbane, steep it in Mare's Milk; and take the Nasal Mucus of a Cow, with Grains of Barley, put these into a Leather Skin made from a Fawn and on the outside bind it up with Mulehide Skin, and attach it as an Amulet during the Waning of the Moon in a Female Sign of the Zodiac on a Day of Kronos or Hermes [i.e., Saturn or Mercury]. Mix in also, with the Barley Grains, Cerumen from the Ear of a Mule. [PGM XXXVI.320-32]

Snarking: The Next Generation

Star Trek: The Next Generation (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So we've started watching Star Trek: The Next Generation. Tonight, we saw interstellar meth heads  (also seen in Wrath of Khan) and we got to see an awesome new instrument which I have dubbed the "Dildophone."
Like a xylophone, only with peens.

Tom said I should learn to play the Dildophone and I said "hang on, let me find my mallets" and then Tom snarfed his dinner.

On a related note, I may have told my class that the Egyptian creator god masturbated the universe into being because he was bored and that Isis invented the dildo. And something about the personification of PMS.

If I had remembered how much I was going to have to talk about penises and incest, I probably wouldn't have decided on religion and magic this term...  Seriously, Egyptian religion is like those dreadful VC Andrews novels no one admits they read back in the day.

This week I've been battling a wicked cold or something. I cannot brain good. Fortunately class didn't meet today so I didn't subject them to even more random blathering. Well, actually I did, but it was electronic.

King Bunny-rabbit!

Pharaoh Unas's name on a stela at his pyramid complex in Saqqara. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When Pyramids Go Wrong (Photo credit: shoveling_ferret)

At some point I'm maystop getting all excited when I talk about King Unas, but for the time being:

ZOMG HIS NAME IS MADE OF BUNNIES!

Where the Wild AntiChrists Are

I had no idea Maurice Sendak did frescoes
Source

Not Watching Star Trek for Once

Instead of doing class prep or otherwise being productive I've been watching terrible television. As in I was watching Toddlers and Tiaras. (I am very ashamed. Also, horrified.)

Then Netflix broke for a while.
Pretty sure that was a sign from the Universe that I should pollute my brain in other ways.

So, when Netflix starting working again, I decided to watch The Omen, because I love that movie for some reason. Probably Gregory Peck. And it is far, far less scary than Toddlers and Tiaras.

The last time I watched The Omen, I had never seen the Irish TV series Father Ted. I have since, however, become a rabid fan of it.

These things wouldn't be connected except that now, whenever I see the crazed old priest trying to warn Gregory Peck that his child is the spawn of Satan, I see Father Jack. Someone with the skills needs to replace all the priest scenes in the film with Father Jack yelling "Feck! Arse! Girls! DRINK!"

Holy crap, your kid is evil!

FECK!