Single Dad Laughing: The disease called "Perfection"

Single Dad Laughing: The disease called "Perfection": "- Sent using Google Toolbar"
Very much worth a read, as is the follow-up at the bottom.
Trying to be perfect, knowing I was perceived by some people as perfect, not wanting or being able to admit that I was not and didn't want to be perfect has been a major part of pressure and pain in my life. Learning to stop trying to be perfect or to expect other people to be perfect is the most useful thing I've ever done. It's a ongoing lesson and a hard one. But it's essential.

Small Victories and Confessions

Today I made my first solo trip outside the new apartment and caught a bus to make it to an appointment. This may not sound like a big deal, but given the trouble and pain I have with walking along with brain fog and some sort of general anxiety, this is kind of a big deal. I am super proud of myself. The trip also reinforced my liking of the new place - just three little steps to go up to get out as opposed to three narrow wooden steps down, a turn, and another 3 or 4 steps, plus two more steps down with no hand-rail and a heavy-ish gate to open. I know this may not sound like a lot, but when every step is a) unpredictable; b) an effort that requires thought; and c) often uncomfortable or outright painful all combined with pretty much constant low-level vertigo that makes you feel like you're falling forward or the ground is tilting up toward you it gets to be a bit wearying. Add in some loss of peripheral vision, general tiredness, and rapid muscle fatigue from using the cane and you can see why I don't go out much. :P

In fact, I often wonder what some people who see me on the street must think - a relatively young woman walking very slowly with a cane, legs spread out a bit farther than normal, eyes usually on the ground with occasional glances up for direction, and one hand a bit out to the side for balance and with what I imagine is a look of deep concentration on my face - I probably look pretty silly. Or possibly drunk. And, like I said, each step is unpredictable - it might be a normal stride or my hip may sort of lock making my leg swing out to the side and down or I might misjudge the distance to the ground or my knee may not bend. At least if I ever get dumped on Arrakis, I can totally avoid attracting a sandworm, so I've got that going for me.

Anyway, bus - managed to get on the bus and off of the bus and get to my appointment. My therapy appointment. I've decided to quit being coy about it because a huge part of why I write this blog is the hope that it might help other people. I see a therapist regularly and have for about a year. In large part, this is to help me cope with being chronically ill and especially to cope with not even knowing specifically what's wrong with me. It has also helped me cope with some unpleasant personal events unrelated to my illness. It has been immensely helpful and I have made a great amount of progress. While this might not be a big admission for a lot of people, it is for me. I like my privacy. I also like at least appearing to be relatively strong and self-sufficient. For much of my life going to see a psychiatrist or psychologist or therapist and being self-sufficient and tough were mutually exclusive. However, over the past few years I have come to realize that part of being self-sufficient and tough is knowing when you need help and when and how to ask for it. So, I really want to encourage people - if you think you need help or want help, whether you're chronically ill or just stressed out or having a rough patch, please look into seeing someone. A lot of communities have sliding-scale clinics if you aren't insured or your insurance doesn't cover mental health. It isn't an admission of weakness or a massive character flaw. It's helping yourself to help yourself.

Okay - that's done. I'm not planning to go into detail about my therapy. Some things are private and personal though and while I try to make this blog a personal place, I also don't want to make it too personal. But I wanted to say that I go because I know that I associated a bit of stigma or shame with it and I think that's terrible and I don't want other people to feel that way. Okay, off the soapbox before I fall off.

I also did a bit of cleaning today to get some shelves ready for use in the kitchen (they were gross). And we've done a bit more unpacking. Also, Oreo nearly got winged in the head by the mail coming through the slot in the door today. At the moment he's demanding his daily dose of Daddy adoration. My boys are so cute. ;)

Beware the pink ninja

I had to be very careful to sneak up on this little ninja hiding behind the book on Akhenaten. Once I coaxed her out, though, she was quite willing to pose.

This is actually the first project I've made from Creepy Cute Crochet by Christen Haden, even though I've had the book for ages. I enjoyed making it which is another reminder that I need to do it more often. Duh!

I did have a bit of trouble gripping the embroidery floss for the throwing star and my hand started to cramp and the ending portions of the head pattern confused me slightly, but I think I got it all working properly anyway so no big deal. And I love the little crocheted throwing star.

I don't think you can quite make it out, but she has embroidered brown eyes with lashes.

Oh, and Oreo stole the body before it was stuffed and tried to run off with it, but I rescued it at great personal risk. Srsly. I could have tripped while trying to catch him. :P

This is a birthday gift for a dear friend who is well known for a) pink; and b) her fondness for the Amarna Period. Her birthday actually isn't until Friday but I'm gambling she's too busy to catch this blog post. If not: Happy Early Birthday!!!!

Pteranodon

Pteranodon
Originally uploaded by seaandlighthouse I

I don't know how anyone could ever look at this amigurumi and be sad. It's purple. It has wings. A beak. And claws. Plus, it appears to be blushing. I lurves it!

Shopping IS Therapy, Dammit

Today I slept most of the day due to the exhaustion of the most recent skirmish in the mouse wars.  I had actually set an alarm for 11 AM, figuring that would give me more than enough sleep.  I woke up, was still really stiff and hurty, and so decided to read and stretch a bit in bed before getting up.  The next thing I knew, Oreo was barking and wagging his tail in my face because Tom was home from work.  Sigh...

Anyway, I had been wanting some fusible interfacing for some projects I want to work on and Tom had wanted to go to a Home Depot to poke around, so we set off.

I scored my fusible interfacing (at a discount, because the instruction sheet had left marks on the interfacing) drooled over fabric, grabbed some canvas tape, and a bias tape maker.  Serious fabric drooling.  I should just get over my cheapness in not being willing to pay $8/yard for pretty quilting cottons, but then again, if I did that, we'd be even more poor than we are and be buried in fat quarters or single yards fabric useful only for making bags and pillows and stuff. Mmm, bags...

Ahem.

Anyway, we also dropped by a Best Buy, because the stupid vermin had chewed through the cord on the motion sensor for the Wii.  Shows you how much Wii we've been playing.  We also (after much wandering and annoyance) discovered that Lego Indiana Jones has finally dropped in price.  Sweet!!!!  As it seems to also be good for my motor skills, all the better!

Then we went to Home Depot and wandered around the nurseries.  We now have baby sweet basil, mint, rosemary, lavender, and Italian parsley nestled happily in a trough planter and smelling delicious.  The aloe has been replanted in the pseudo-Predynastic pot.  And our seedlings of oregano, curly parsley, and lavender seem to be doing well despite early depredations by the vermin.  The papyrus plant seems to be doing okay as well.

I am very excited by our little garden - I've never done much with plants before, so I'm having fun pestering Tom with questions.  I'm also looking for either  some better options or tricks in iCal for reminders so I will remember watering and other household chores (this has become a major problem for me).  And I'm looking forward to cooking with fresh herbs, figuring out good drying methods, and making sachets.  

Therefore, I am in an extra good mood this evening, despite the lateness of this post. Tomorrow I get to go for a haircut, which will make life even better as I'm currently getting uncomfortably close to a mullet in the back (I cannot stand hair on my neck anymore).   Better, a friend is taking me, thus sparing Tom from having to hang around a girly salon for an hour. He gets to stay home and play Wii.  :P

Little Mi (hot water bottle & doll set)

Little Mi (hot water bottle & doll set)
Originally uploaded by Fröken Skicklig

This hot water bottle plus lovely gently scented doll is such a lovely thought for days in bed or on the couch feeling poorly. Hot water bottles are not all that common in the US, but I think are greatly under-appreciated. They're certainly a good way to keep toes warm in the winter without raising the thermostat and a good way to comfort achy spots without worrying about an electric heating pad.
Fröken Skicklig has a lovely selection on her blog. They've sold out of her etsy shop, but there's no harm in having the address handy for her future productions. :)

Bluebell the Jackalope Plush

Bluebell the Jackalope Plush
Originally uploaded by girlsavage

It's a jackalope!!!! My western roots rejoice!

Punk-topus

Punk-topus
Originally uploaded by Tine V.

Wheee! This punk-topus brightened my day. Great colors + crazy hair + piercing + cuteness = happy!

Pain relief?

Etsy :: neck shoulder back (NSB) - hot cold therapy pack - rice and flax heating pad - comfy cozy - black and white

I ordered this today after having seen The Ferris Wheels featured in the Etsy blog.  I can't wait for it to arrive.  They also make hand/wrist wraps and eye pads (though I think I'd like them better if they had a headband and even BETTER if they had eye holes, though I realize the latter wish is probably pretty impractical.  It would be awesome though, think of it:

The capelet neck-shoulder-back wrap, plus two sets of handwraps, plus eyepad with eyeholes, plus cane with flames painted on it...or maybe flowers to match the heat/cold wrap fabric... 

I would be the most gimp-tastic superhero EVAR!!!!! And now I feel I must stage that photo at some point.

Anyway, I promise a review after it arrives.  If I like it, I'll probably give the hand wraps a try.  

I already anticipate enjoying:

• Full coverage of neck, shoulders, and upper back (heating pads just don't form to those areas well)
  
• No cords
  
• Option for heat or cold, which will probably make me even happier come summer...
  

More tiny cuteness

Tori and Amos on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

Yet more photos for smiling.