Unkind Nicknames for Oreo

Part of how I interact with many friends and loved-ones involves large amounts of talking smack. While there are some exceptions, if I make fun of you outrageously and to your face it usually means I like you. This is how the things I usually say to Tom and that he says in return are not, in fact, spousal abuse, but are "flirting."

This, of course, extends to Oreo as well. Here's the list of things we call him on a regular basis:

• Punky Chewster
• Stinkerbell
• Monster
• Dumb-butt
• Doofus
• Goofus
• Punk Ass
• Stinky
• All Things Dumb and Ugly (yes, inspired by the Monty Python song, which was in turn inspired by the hymn)
• Fru-fru bear
• Fuzz Bucket
• Freak
• Freakazoid

Tom also regularly threatens to do one or all of the following:

• Take him to the sausage factory
• Leave him in the alley
• Trade him in at the pound
• Make him in to stew
• Duct tape his limbs
• Dangle him from the ceiling by his toes
• Hold him out the window and squeeze instead of walking him

Yeah, we really don't need to have kids. Can you imagine how much therapy they'll need?